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I'm tired of never being inspired. The flowers in my head have all died and I don't know why.
I like to think I surround myself with creative types of all kinds who like to think but whose eyes can't fulfill the hype in my mind's.
I like to drink (sometimes).

And I don't know what I want anymore, but I want to be better - much, much better.

Somewhere along the way I lost the drive, and all that's been keeping me alive is the hope that someday I will find someone to stimulate my mind, but I've been wrong before; looks like I am wrong once more.
It won't be long before I die or worse (I give up), or worse, I persevere, and I'm so nervous that I have no purpose here. And I feel worthless, dear.

And I don't know what I want anymore, but I want to be better - much, much better. I want to see better - much better.

I've got these paperback books, bound, but I've got no one else around to share their secrets I have found.
I've got a need for company, but it doesn't seem to come for free. This is a plea to comfort me, honestly.
'Cause I'm no good all by myself - always looking for someone else.

I want to be better; I want to see better and clearer. I want to feel better...

I can hear her say, "You do this to yourself, you're the only one to blame. Your guilt, which manifests your fear, provides an anchor for your shame, and by this time next year, you'll have disowned your own name."

Did you mean what you said? Do you think I am empty without you? It's hard not to believe, but it's harder not to make come true.

I'm tired of hurting everyone I meet and of perpetual cold feet, making excuses for defeat, playing what you've said on repeat.

And I'm tired, I'm tired; I'm so tired. I'm tired of being me.

S'been so long since I've been proud of anything I created. I used to be in control (used to think that was related), and now I'm bitter and selfish and jaded, and I hate it.

And I want to get-- and I want to feel-- and I want to see-- and I want to deal-- and I want to be better, and I want it to be real.

I want to be better - much, much better, but I don't know what I want anymore.


from This Was Fated, released December 12, 2012


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Octothorpe and the Aglets Minneapolis, Minnesota


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